Absurd Financial Definitions

These definitions are frivel© which means wordplay     They’re provided solely to delight and uplift you     Warning—Not to be confused with standard financial     definitions

Annuity     Anew-ity, see with fresh awareness and curiosity. You re-invest
in your life every time you see it anew

Anshool    What we are at Joyful Banker. We’re a fine anshool institution. May not know what an anshool is, but we’re a fine one, alright

Appreciation     Perform a kindness, and the receiver’s value goes up a notch (so does yours)

Assets    What you have got. You can sit your __ss on it

Attitood    Being on the alert for binkles—A binkle attitood

Bank Holidays     Every day’s a holiday if you experience joy or visit Joyful Banker

Banker’s Hours     At Joyful Banker, whenever the heart is beating. We’re always open for joy and binkles

Benefits/Benefactor    If the bene fits, wear it. Bene-factory—where good stuff comes from

Binkle    The energy created when people connect. A “zizz.” A measure of emotional and physical energy   Mucho binkles

Binkle Bucks    The funny munny available here. Provides energy
Print Binkle Bucks

Binkle Standard    Making life choices based on whether they increase or decrease your binkle energy. Noticing the high-enercy costs and rewards

Blank Check     Fill it in with what you most want from life; it won’t bounce. Blank Check  (Not a bland check)

Bonds    That which ties people together. The tighter the bond, the more valuable it is. Can be redeemed in hugs and kindness. Short term or long term. That’s your true WEalth

Broker    Joyful Banker puts an end to your broker days

Budget    When something is stuck, you can’t budget (budge-it)

Cash    Like magic, it tends to disappear before your eyes

Cash Flow     How money escapes. Where’d it go? The rate money leaks away

Checking Account     Funny, there was money in it last time we checked. The Joyful Banker has a Never Bounce policy regarding checks   View
The Banker’s goofy policies   Your account number is your email address for the Interest Report

Coupon     Coo-upon, same as Cupid Bonds. Repaid in hugs and kisses

Compound Interest    The interest multiplier. The more you care, the more interests you share, the faster it increases

Creatitood    The ability to create even more Binkles by using Binkle energy

Credit    Those to whom we owe gratitude and acknowledgment. We’re all in someone’s debt; so pay them back in appreciation—with interest

Credit Cards    Plastic rectangles that trick you into thinking you’ve got money—until the next statement comes. The Banker’s parody credit cards have no credit limits or payment dates   Crazy Credit Cards

Currency    Current-see  What you see that you have right now. Provides a clue to your point of view and where your focus is

DDs - A Pair of Ds     Our symbol for parody. We’re a parody of all things financial

Debt    What we forgive and forget. Joyful Banker doesn’t keep track of them. Banish red ink and red faces

Dividends    The other side of dividstarts

Diversify    Talk in a singsong voice

Due Date     Day when you feel you can do anything. Or a day with no
do-do

Emotional Solvency    Having a ready supply of high-vibration energy coming into your life—as in binkles, kindness, and joy. Creating more up-beat energy than the amount leaking away

Equity    Measure of something very small. The difference between what
you own and what you owe

Escrows    Yes = grows, No = doesn’t. So magnify the positives, shrink
the negatives

Estates     S states; those that start with an “S” (South Carolina and South Dakota) though not really different than the non-S states

Expenses    Whatever sucks your money right out of your hands.

FDIC    Forever Delivering Infinite Caring - our goal. Not an official government agency

Fool Service    Joyful Banker is a Fool Service non-bank. Dedicated to FOOL-ing around for the sheer joy of it

Fort Knox/Knocks    When you’ve been knocked around by life. There’s a wealth of valuable experience in there waiting to be claimed   Opportunity Knocks

Frivel    Wordplay. Having fun with words. Using words in silly or insightful ways. Frivel is never frivolous—it’s inspired!

Funny Munny     What Joy Bucks and Binkle Bucks are. Won’t take itself seriously. Find more in  The Vault

Generosity    The urge to pass around life’s rewards. Generosity + binkles = Shariosity (a measure of joy)

Gold Standard     Our funny munny is backed by the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you want them to do unto you—or even better. Very valuable

Gold Bullion     All carrots, no sticks—rewards without risk of penalties

Goodwill    Good will triumph over icky

Greatitood    Gratitude with Binkles

Guarantee     Our Guarantee—You’re at the funnest, most joyous banking institution in the world  More fun policies

Income    The money that comes into your hands, however briefly. The opposite of out-go, which is very fast

Interest    What you care about. Where you invest your time and attention. Life’s rate of return (interest) is exactly as great as the intensity of your personal investment in what happens around you (interest)

Interest Report    Weekly joy injection from Joyful Banker. Free ezine,   Interest Report

Investments     Make them into others through caring, sharing and binkles. What you’re most identified with. The measure of your true worth. They draw your interest

Investors    Our readers who contribute something back to The Banker for all of us  Wisdom from our readers

Joy Bucks      The funny munny that’s available here—related to emotional caring   Help yourself

Joy-filled Standard      Available for the taking and the sharing. The way Joyful Banker operates—a model for everyday generosity

Joyous Mo-Mint/Mint     A brief time-out from life’s challenges. Live in the mo-mint and you’ll always have plenty. All of The Banker’s documents and bucks are minted at the Joyous Mo-Mint. Not an official government agency

Liabilities    Ability to tell lies. Nothing to brag about

Mutual Fun     Pulling together is more fun. Include a dog/mutt

Overdrafts    Joy covers all shortages. Think of them as over-laughs.
Due to our No-Bounce Policy, they don’t occur here

Ownership    Temporary arrangement when you assume some things are yours for keeps

Parody  Pair of Ds   The Joyful Banker is just for fun

Pension    Don’t feed the pensions or you’ll just get more of them

Prime    The time of your life when you live most fully and joyously. Expands to include more people

Principal    Could be the amount of a debt, but since The Banker doesn’t recognize debts, we think of it as the mis-spelling of “principle,” the fundamental truths that one lives by—truth, honor, responsibility, love, courage, and such like

Profit    Ability to learn (earn) from everything that happens to you, and around you

Personal Property     Can’t tell you, it’s personal

Real Property     Not pie in the sky—it’s really real, although not all that proper

Safe Deposit     Emotional Safe Deposits. Where you save and protect those matters that touch the heart

Savings    What swoops in and protects you from danger at the very last moment. What has saved you, so you trust it

Securities    Mistaken belief that one’s well being comes from what we have, rather than who we are or how we treat others

Shariosity    Generosity + Binkles = Shariosity (a measure of joy)

Stocks    Form of ownership where your hands don’t get dirty, and your muscles don’t ache.

Trusts    Legal folderol to tie up money (and other stuff) so certain people can’t get their hands on it. Not very trusting

Upholding/Upholder    Investing yourself and what you have in another person or their dreams. Doing that makes you an Upholder—a first-class human being   Read about Upholding

WEalth    Your true value is in what you share—when you nurture a WE, not ME (which is “we” turned upside down)

Will     Commitment to living, not to dying. The urge to act on a desire with action
_____________________ Copyright © 2005, Off the Page Press
The Joyful Banker - A Parody of all things Financial
Off the Page Press   (719) 395-9450  fax (719) 395-9453
P.O. Box 4880,  Buena Vista, Colorado  81211 USA
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