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Upholding a View (A BonBon)My life is filled with many different kinds of people—family, professional colleagues, friends, close friends, nodding acquaintances, clients, audience members, people who provide me services, etc. In every case, I offer and exchange different aspects of myself, providing differing degrees of self-exposure or intimacy. Recently, I have recognized a new category: people I wish to uphold. It has provided an entirely different way of looking at the people in my life, while it cuts across other existing roles and relationships. Being upheld is not a reflection of our closeness, how long we’ve known each other, or the kinds of needs they have. This category can’t be applied to everyone with a need or I’d be consumed. The coin is sincere caring and is paid in my time, energy, emotion, or even money. Upholding goes beyond the everyday display of encouragement and kindness. For whatever reason (and they are all so different), if I decide that “here is a person who needs to be upheld,” I create a one-sided commitment to him or her. I can just as easily and arbitrarily end it whenever I choose. Although nothing needs to be said directly to the person, I feel obligated to find ways to uphold them and support their efforts. This special bond may not exist for long. The person may not even benefit from whatever I can do for long. But it exists as a priority for me until fulfilled. Of course, such commitments makes sense within the tight circle of family or intimate friends. But this relationship is different than those, and may not even apply for anyone close. Those who are nearest to me might not be the ones who can use what is offered—offered freely, willingly and without strings. Upholding doesn’t establish a permanent arrangement. In fact, it’s likely to be transitional, a bridge through painful, risky or discouraging times. For example, a casual acquaintance decides to take a course required for a promotion, but lacks a ride, baby-sitter or whatever. By my providing the missing element, the person and their goal are both upheld. My role in such a case is active and supportive, serving as a vote of confidence at a time when their effort seems daunting. The message is conveyed through kind words and deeds, “You’re not alone in this. I’m here for you.” Or, you receive outstanding service from a small business struggling against well financed competition. In deciding to uphold the business, you not only patronize it, but use your network of contacts to bring it new business. In being more than a customer, you’re nourishing and rewarding the values that they displayed in how they serve you. There’s much more involved than spending money, or even how well you like the business owner. Through such supportive efforts you acknowledge and reward the behaviors you value. Or, you decide to uphold a leader who’s making hard, risky, or even unpopular decisions. In such a thankless role, the leader is vulnerable. Your decision to uphold that person is really an acknowledgment of the guts or character necessary to achieve the desired goal. By your upholding stance, you’re voting in a very tangible way for the preferred outcome. From examining my ties to those who I’ve elected to uphold, I’ve found strengths and skills otherwise unused. I’ve also discovered previously unnoticed ways in which others have been upholding me.
The Joyful Banker - A Parody of all things Financial Off the Page Press (719) 395-9450 fax (719) 395-9453 P.O. Box 4880, Buena Vista, Colorado 81211 USA http://www.joyfulbanker.com editor@joyfulbanker.com |
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